forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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