what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
only you would photoshop your dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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