did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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