Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
