Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
