She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
