toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
