bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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