you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I party with great urgency now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
