i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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