He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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