so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
