There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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