I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
