if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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