The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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