I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
