I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I just went to clothing optional bar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
