Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
