I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
