I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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