there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
