Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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