I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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