New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
