ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
