It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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