Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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