i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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