you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
