The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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