Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
