and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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