Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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