swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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