Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
