so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize