Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
