I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
foreskin is a definite game changer
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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