I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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