i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
