I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
