He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
