I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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