I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
