I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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