The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
