my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
