people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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