A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
