Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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