he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
