just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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