i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
