why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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