I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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