It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
