How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
