9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
