it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
