I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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