guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
