Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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