you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
