my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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